Covert Narcissism: Signs, Traits, & How to Handle it

Narcissists are inept at building and nurturing emotional bonds with others. So, although they may appear narcissism and alcoholism kinder and less obnoxious than their extroverted counterpart, they are not emotionally accessible or responsive either. Where the more overt, extroverted narcissist will be obvious in their elevated sense of self and their arrogance when interacting with others, the covert narcissist may be less obvious. Covert narcissists are only different from overt (more obvious) narcissists in that they tend to be more introverted.

• Covert narcissism has been found to correlate highly with introversion.
• It can be challenging to identify NPD because people with narcissism don’t typically see their traits as symptoms.
• Due to their manipulative, self-absorbed, and disrespectful tendencies, covert narcissists often have very few friends or close people.
• Look for ways to relieve your stress such as exercising, embracing your creativity, and practicing mindfulness.

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In contrast, the signs of a covert narcissist are more difficult to spot. In fact, some people spend years with close friends or partners before they realize that they’re dealing with a covert narcissist. If the covert narcissist in your life begins to affect your mental health seriously, it may be time to cut them off from you completely. Once again, this sign doesn’t necessarily make someone a narcissist. Some people don’t have quality relationships because they lack social skills, feel lonely, have an insecure attachment style, or struggle with mental health. One of the main things that every expert agrees on is that covert narcissists feel disproportionately mistreated and have an overexaggerated sense of suffering.

You might have a high sensitivity to criticism

You can check out Mental Health America’s helpful list of good resources for therapists. Some people even have a physical response, such as a stomach ache or sickness, after interacting with a narcissistic person. “It’s feeling inadequate or feeling insufficient, and at the same time feeling sort of resentful toward others and feeling like you’re not getting your fair share or due in the world,” Miller says. These negative mood states or depressive reactions occur mostly when life doesn’t go their way, which is often, according to Durvasula.

Encourage Healing and Treatment

Many covert narcissists use self-deprecation or false humility to encourage others to appreciate and praise them. Furthermore, their public face will rarely mirror their home or personal life. In fact, Levy says covert narcissists are probably harder to spot than grandiose narcissists because of their subtlety. Dealing with a covert narcissistic partner can be emotionally draining. Remember that healing and growth take time, and it’s okay to prioritize your well-being.

How to Deal with a Covert Narcissist

While overt narcissism may result in someone seeking attention in a flashy way, someone with covert NPD will generally try to get compliments through more subtle tactics. They may minimize their own strengths and accomplishments so people will praise them. Anyone living with mental health symptoms that interfere with their work or personal life should consider seeking help. These healthcare professionals can assess the problem and recommend treatments.

Setting Healthy Boundaries in Relationships

Narcissists test people’s boundaries regularly and walk all over those who don’t enforce them. If you aren’t careful, you may be catering to a covert narcissist’s every demand while neglecting your well-being. Boundaries are the “rules” of your relationships that define how you allow people to treat you.

If someone repeatedly ignores yours, it might be time to step away. These may all be red flags when it comes to covert abusive behaviors. You may want to start by determining which relationship behaviors you’re not willing to tolerate. Then, try to detect patterns of behaviors that make you feel uncomfortable or hurt.

How do you know if you’re a covert narcissist?

While most people are familiar with the loud, attention-seeking type of narcissist, there are different forms that can show up in people’s personalities. Further, covert narcissism has been found to have a higher correlation with introversion and neuroticism, whereas overt narcissism is generally more correlated with extraversion and higher levels of agreeableness. Their gratification may be indirect through their emotional investment in someone they admire. They take things personally and feel distrustful, mistreated, unappreciated, and misunderstood. Although they devalue themselves, they dream of greatness and wonder why people don’t appreciate and understand them. And these are just a handful of the ways that covert narcissism can manifest.